Monta Maxine's birth

God knows best. I should know this from countless experiences I've had (worrying about whether or not I'd get married if I served a mission = came home and Ryan was waiting for me and was so much better for me than anyone I'd ever dated or hung out with); (We made 4 offers on different homes that were accepted, and then at the last minute they'd fall through = God plopped this house right in our lap essentially, and it's better for our family and the activities we do than any of the others) and a slew of other examples where God's plan has been better than anything I could've chosen for myself.

This pregnancy was yet another lesson in this. At the beginning when we had the subchronic hemotoma or hemmorage I wondered if we'd even have a full term baby. Throughout this pregnancy, I felt like God was saying "Why don't you trust me?" I wanted to trust, but it was hard. I worried about the cost (being due after the new year after the first ultrasound). I worried about having another shoulder dystocia baby. I was worried about giving birth in the hospital (when we prayed about it this time, that's where we felt we should do it, and that was hard for me to accept after our great experience at home with Lena). I had a lot of anxiety about tearing or being barked at to push, since my previous 2 hospital experiences left me with more than half of my tissue down there scarred and vulvodynia.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him [this to me after studying means be grateful to him, or be humble to his will] and he shall direct thy paths." This scriptures, along with "Let us cheerfully do all that lies within our power and then may we stand still with the utmost assurance to see the salvation of God and for his arm to be revealed." -Doctrine and Covenants 123:17. I wrote these scriptures up to try to help me have more faith, but I still struggled a lot with anxiety over this birth. But... as with so many things, God's timing was best and things turned out so much better than I could've imagined.

I had latent labor off and on through the weekend prior to Monta's birth. Monday night contractions began to be consistently 10 minutes apart and quite strong... but I was waiting at home for them to get closer together. Finally at 2pm on Tuesday, they suddenly went to 3 minutes apart. Ryan and I decided to go in. I was so worried that I'd only be a 5, but when my Doctor checked me I was a 7 or 8 and almost 100% effaced. Since she was -2 station, my Dr. suggested breaking my water so that she'd descend. My spirits were really high from being farther along than I'd thought, and we laughed in between contractions about how it felt I was peeing my pants over and over and over again (I apparently had a very large bag of water).

Ryan helped me so much this time. He'd breathe slowly and consistently, and during a contraction I'd just hug him and try to match his breathing. I'd also hired a doula, Treana Hunt, this time to help me with the hospital, and she did a great job, fanning me when I got hot and putting a wet cloth on my head. Near the end, when things got very intense I couldn't figure what position to push in -- the squat bar is apparently not built for women my size and I found that awkward. I had Ryan get behind me (poor man, he was pretty much doing the straddles over that wide hospital bed) and support me. I'd asked for mother-directed pushing, and my Dr. and the hospital staff was so good about respecting that this time. I found it was less painful to try pushing when a contraction wasn't going, so I tried doing that. Near the end, the pain is always so intense I wonder if I can take anymore, but it always amazes me how instantaneously my body goes from agony to utter relief when the baby's body releases. Though the pushing is painful, when I'm allowed to do it on my own initiative, I think it helps to open me slowly so there's less damage.

Which is exactly what happened: I feel amazing!! No tearing, no stitches, no hemmorhoids, no damage to me. No shoulder dystocia. And she came the day before our deductible resets itself, so the bulk of the financial stress is taken care of. She came exactly when she needed to -- if she'd come on the 10th, she'd likely have been to big. Our Dr. was great. It's the first time I've been delivered by a man, and I was really pleased that for being another man in the room, he does a great job of not drawing attention to himself. It felt as if it were only me and Ryan, the rest of the staff were so quiet and patient. She was 8.6 and 20.5 inches long. She's perfect! And we are so grateful for her safe arrival, and I am so grateful to feel so good. Not having stitches makes a massive difference in my recovery. Ryan says he's never seen me recover so quickly.

So I am very very grateful, and hope I can trust in the Lord more.

And now pictures, since I'm sure that's what you really want to see: