Gratitude, Patience and Perspective

I've had a lot of thoughts this past week, many of which revolve around the need I have for gratitude. This labor/recovery was much more difficult than I'd anticipated -- initially I just wanted amnesia to take over and forget about it, but when I look back on it, I see so many things I have to be grateful for that I would like to share:

Dr. Craig had delivered Amy and I liked having Ryan being the only man in the room. When we checked into the hospital at 7pm I'd already been in labor most of the day. The contractions were very intense and was sure I was dialated at least to a 7 or more and they'd just wait an hour and catch the baby. They told me I was only a 5. They also told me Dr. Craig wasn't in and the Dr. on call was the only Dr. I'd heard negative things about and he was a guy. I requested Deb Flansburg, who Dr. Craig recommended if she herself wasn't in. They told me Deb might be checking in later that night, but as of yet, she wasn't in. I prayed that Deb might check in and deliver me instead of the other guy.

Another thing I had wanted was to not be charged two room day charges at the hospital. Labor and delivery is charged by the hour, but once you check in upstairs they charge you almost 300 smackers a day -- the charge renews at midnight, so if I'd checked in upstairs at 8, I'd still be paying almost 600, even though I didn't have many hours left in the day.

Sometimes when we pray, or wish for things, we are disappointed when they don't turn out the way we'd hoped or expected. Labor was so painful this time, that initially I was disappointed, but now when I look back on it, I see how ultimately God answered my prayers and I am grateful for that. Because it took me a while to progress (comparatively to Amy's labor) I was still in labor at 10:30 when Deb Flansburg checked in. I was hyperventilating apparently . Odd thing, by the way... when you hyperventilate, your surface skin starts to go all tingly and numb. This time I had a big bag of water (Esther must've been swimming around in there). I was only a 7 at 10:30, but they said my water might break at any time, so I couldn't use the jaccuzzi. Because I was that far dialated and now 100% effaced, Deb suggested breaking my water. I was already having an urge to push, so we said yes.

Within 10 minutes she was born. There was a bit of trauma/drama in the pushing but I'll spare you that. The important points are these: her head eased out without too much tearing (though I had to have a large skin tag from Amy's delivery removed which required quite a few stitches). That was something else I'd wanted... not to tear much. All the stitches I had were superficial and not into the deeper muscle tissues.

Things that went better this time: because the cord was longer, Esther was able to be put up on my chest and I was able to hold her skin to skin for an hour. They let the cord finish pulsing before Ryan cut it. Ryan again was the only man in the room. Since she was born at 11:15 and they give you an hour down in labor+delivery before checking you in upstairs, we didn't check in until after midnight. I was able to walk upstairs with Ryan and Esther instead of being pushed in the wheelchair (though I could walk after Amy's delivery, my legs were all shaky for a while; this time they didn't shake much at all). So many of my prayers were answered.

From the pain, I did learn some things. First off, I learned that my body can endure much more pain than I'd previously thought possible. If Amy's labor had been a 5 on my richter scale for pain, Esther's was an 8 or 9. I had many more thoughts about the atonement while I was in labor this time -- I don't fully understand how Christ suffered every type of pain, but I know that He knows what labor feels like... somehow. I had "How Firm a Foundation" running through my head this time in labor -- each verse ends up being about as long as a contraction if you sing it in your head. I want to share some of the verses: "When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, my grace all sufficient shall be thy supply. The flame shall not hurt thee, I only design thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine. That soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose, I will not I cannot desert to his foes. That soul though all hell might endeavor to shake, I'll never no never... I'll never, no never... I'll never, no never, no never forsake."

I am so grateful to know that Christ understands all of our pains, trials, heartaches, hopes and dreams. Though it didn't ease the pain, it was a great comfort to know that He understood the type of pain my body was experiencing. We, none of us, suffer anything alone. We always have the Savior who can relate to us and comfort us. I am also so grateful for the gift of the body that we have been given. It's amazing that our bodies can go through so much... especially the female body. It's a great gift to be a woman able to bear children -- to feel them kick and wiggle inside and see them come out with their miniature bodies all functioning. It is nice to know that the body can heal itself after such an ordeal. Though the afterpains were much stronger this time, and I did get hemmroids again, now... a week later, I feel SO much better than I did just after she was born.

Now... on perspective: I happened to rip my stitches Wednesday night getting off the couch from nursing Esther... (a 10 or more on my richter scale for pain). There are two ways to look at it... one, to be sad . Or, two... now that Dr. Craig checked it and removed the remaining stitch... I have no more stitches to worry about -- and they can't rip or tweak again. I realize I need to be better about looking on the positive aspect of things, and that a positive can be found if we search for it. Hemmroids stink, but the positive thing is they don't last forever AND I live in a country with so many luxuries -- like I can afford to take a bath, or multiple baths, every day. AND I like bran muffins.

I am grateful that Esther got here safe and sound. I am grateful that my body is healing. I am grateful for hot baths. I am grateful that Amy loves her baby sister and is so helpful and willing to give her kisses. I am grateful to have a loving husband who held my hand during labor and cried from watching me in pain. I am grateful he honors the priesthood and can give blessings. I am grateful for a SUPER MOM who stayed with us for a week and helped clean/cook/play with Amy/stay up at night with Esther/change diapers etc. There is MUCH... oh so very much to be grateful for and positive about. I hope I can remember this lesson.

The pictures are small, but there you have it. More posts later. For now, we need some time to recover.

Photos: Finally

Here is what you have all been waiting for. Drum Roll please..................................................................................................................................................................

Here is our very own little Esther Constance Weight. Isn't she cute. I will save the explanations and things for Christina once she has a little time away from feeding our little one.

Amy has also really been learning how to take care of her new little sister. She has been practicing with dolls. She thinks it is really cute that this one actually makes noises.

And last but not least, Mom and Baby. They are so beautiful.

Enjoying the fall leaves with my two favorites!

overdue photos

We love to take Amy to the park

She especially loves Daddy there because he'll take her up on the big swirly slides that Mom not only doesn't really fit well holding her on my lap in, but is not too keen to go down

She loves the tot lot and spends so much time walking up and down over bridges and inside the play houses.

This little one is a blast, and we're so grateful to get another one here sometime soon.

This is a photo from earlier in the summer when we dropped by the Ballif's place to let Amy enjoy their sprinklers.

People need beauty, as well as bread...

This is where Ryan and I grew up... four very pronounced seasons, a wonderful back yard to tromp about in and explore. I feel like having a yard is so important to growing up -- but so many of the houses I see for sale have the house built almost to the edges of the lot... we want the opposite: small house, big lot... space for our kids to run around.

I feel like part of the reason that my childhood was so magical and fun was because I spent a lot of unstructured time outside playing -- catching lizards and horny toads, gardener snakes (much to my Mom's horror... she hates snakes); building forts, climbing trees, hiking, and swimming in the river at the base of our canyon.

I love the smells the canyon had -- clean smells... smells you don't get living crowded next to other people or where there are lots of cars. I love the smell of dirt, and pine needles, and dried leaves; I love the sound of crickets chirping, and the chorus of birds in the morning during the summer. I loved seeing unique animals, like rubber boas, horny toads, bats, moose, mountain lions, bear, etc.

I love how white the snow is all winter long -- unlike here, where the snow soon turns black with the filth of car exhaust, the snow seemed to stay white and crystally throughout the winter. I absolutely loved growing up in this canyon and am so glad Ryan did too -- we often talk about different trails we hiked or things we did in the canyon. Now it's our dream to find ourselves a spot of land where we can try to recreate something of this type of space... even if it doesn't have mountains or end up being as big as our back yard.

I stole these pictures off my sister's blog... she has some nice thoughts about the canyon we grew up in that you can link to on the side bar. She also has a John Muir quote, but I have another one which is this:

"People need beauty as well as bread...."

places to play in, and pray in

where nature can heal, nurture,

and give strength."

Simplicity, Service, and Suspense

So, one of my favorite talks from General Conference was Elder Uchtdorf's on the need for us to simplify our lives. He talked about flying planes in turbulence and how new pilots tend to want to keep the same pace, or speed through the turbulence... but experienced pilots know to slow down a bit. I feel at least right now that Ryan and I have a wonderful and simple lifestyle, but I guess I liked it so much because I feel like it's something I'll have to continually remind myself so that it can keep on being simple. I'm sure as Amy grows up, there will be tons of things clammoring for attention and we'll have to be careful not to get sucked into every type of little activity.
There was another speaker who also spoke on this topic somewhat, and talked about the importance of simple things like family dinner and said how it took courage not to over-schedule our families and make sure we had time to spend with each other talking and doing simple things.

The other things that has been on my mind a lot is service... particularly Temple service and geneological service. We believe families can be together forever, but we also believe that certain ordinances outlined in the gospel are essential for eternal progression (like baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and making personal covenants with God). I always love going to the Temple, because it reminds me of the covenants I've made with God and it teaches me about Jesus Christ. I always feel peace when I'm in the Temple. I recently read Boyd K. Packer's "The Holy Temple" and it made me think about how important Temple service is, not only for us to remind us of our covenants, but for our anscestors. I know I should do geneology, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed like I don't know where to start, or 'it's all been done' (which I know isn't true, but I tell myself that sometimes). I was thinking this morning about how I need to allocate some time to do geneology and serve those who've made it possible for me to live where I do now. Even if it's just learning more about them and appreciating the sacrifices they made, it's worth it. It will serve me, and may lead to opportunities for me to serve them in the Temple.

Now to our third 'S': Suspense. Those who know me, know I don't do well with suspense. I don't like watching movies in theaters because I can't fast forward to the end if it gets to be too much for me. I am always asking questions on new movies (even if I know Ryan's never seen it before) "Why do you think he's doing that? What's going to happen? etc" Thankfully Ryan loves me, madly, and can handle this trait of mine. Well, there's nothing quite as suspenseful as having a baby. Yes, you have a due date... but for me right now where I'm now 37 weeks, and having strong contractions in spurts from time to time, it could be any time between now and Halloween and that's a LONG time to be in suspense. We'll just have to see. I hope you're now in suspense too, so I'm not the only one. ;)