Weight

This is kind of a strange thing to be writing about, but I want to share some thoughts I've had over the years, and recently.

I admit... I sometimes like to watch 'Biggest Loser' recaps. Although I don't really agree with the durastic workout measures taken to lose the weight, I can relate to a lot of the feelings of the contestants. I have also in the past felt like a failure with regard to my weight and my view of my physical body.

Here are some thoughts I've had recently, and can only hope they are helpful to someone else:
I think that one of Satan's greatest tactics is to get us to hate our bodies, or feel hopeless about them... to feel like failures and that we cannot do something. For years I felt this way about my own body -- pretty much when I hit puberty, I was "over-weight". My father tried to help me change, but each time I didn't stick with a work-out routine or diet, I felt like more of a failure and a disappointment than before. I developed a complex about food -- I feared it, and obsessed about it simultaneously. (I did not struggle with anorexia, or bulimia or anything, but I pretty much beat myself up mentally every day for not sticking with diets or for eating too much). I had begun to relate my inability to transform my body into a 'skinny minny' as somehow being a sin on my part -- that I didn't have enough faith to change, or that each time a ate something above the calorie intake for the day that somehow I was a sinner. My self-esteem was very low during this time of life.

These self-doubting, ungrateful, negative feelings do not come from a loving Heavenly Father.

After living with a widow friend who tremendously helped my self-esteem, I returned to college and was able to have more fun and overcome some of my complex and fear about food. I decided I wanted to serve a mission. When I first received my call to serve in Germany, and was told of the tendency for missionaries to gain weight I was so worried, and cried myself to sleep. When there, I did gain weight... about 30lbs in my first area, putting my 5'1.5" to 181 lbs. I experienced a shocking thing... if being overweight was somehow a sin, like I'd thought before, shouldn't I be reprimanded the most powerfully while on my mission? But I wasn't. I did not feel like I was a disappointment to my Heavenly Father, or hopeless... I felt loved.

I realized for myself that my body didn't like being that way because I felt sluggish, and sweaty. I also realized that I hated being stuffed to the gills -- the eating appointments on my mission always had so much food, and when I came home I usually ate more because I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat (which in Germany usually meant chocolate, or marzipan brot). In the mission field, I lost 20 lbs of what I gained (thanks to a companion with IBS and biking cities) and came home just a little heavier than I'd normally been.

I was blessed by Heavenly Father with, what I term to be, a miracle. I married Ryan, and my body lost weight... it makes me laugh sometimes, because I'd tried Weight-Watchers before, but didn't stick with it long enough to see success. God put me on the real Weight-Watchers plan -- I watched Ryan every day, grew in love for him, and several months after we were married, without necessarily changing anything, my body dropped 15 lbs. After having Amy, and watching more 'Weight', my body lost more weight, putting me after many years back within a 'normal' BMI. Then, getting pregnant with yet another 'Weight', my body lost even more (due to nausea). I'm now almost 18 weeks pregnant, and finally have regained the extra weight lost during the beginning of this pregnancy, putting me in at 130 lbs. I cannot take any credit for having changed myself, because I didn't -- sure, I eat somewhat differently than I used to, but it's more that God took away the struggle for me. It's not that I couldn't struggle with my feelings about my weight again, but I am confident that as long as I remember that God loves me, and His plan of happiness for all of us, weight will no longer rob me of my hope or happiness.

From watching the Biggest Loser, I've had these thoughts:
1. It's important that we have God help us with any change we seek... because He also heals and changes the inside. Also, I think it's important to put it in His hands. If it's not important to Him that we be 110 lbs and look like a model, that shouldn't be important to us either. It is important to Him that we keep our bodies (which are gifts) as healthy as we can and appreciate them, and if we're struggling in that area, then He can help us.

2. We have the ability to choose so much. We can make an impact on our circumstance and our outlook on life. God loves us, regardless of the choices we make, but we will feel more of that love the closer we come to Him and the more we limit the falsehoods we listen to from Satan.

3. Our bodies are such a wonderful GIFT. We should ALWAYS remember that... God wants us to be grateful for the bodies He has given us -- they are SUCH a blessing, regardless of what condition they're in. God gives us peace and if we have weaknesses, He will take us by the hand and help us with them. His Son knows every possible temptation we face, and has overcome all. He can empower us to change... and also, there is grace. Satan hates the fact that we have bodies and wants us to focus on the negative, and forget this great blessing God has given us. He belittles them in every way he can, and if you listen too much to the media and trying to be the cookie-cutter image of what people should look like, you'll waste valuable earth time centering on the wrong things.

If you don't feel beautiful, talk to your Heavenly Father -- and if you listen to Him, you will know how valued and loved you are. If you follow His commandments, you will be blessed. Following the Word of Wisdom does not necessarily mean you'll look like a fitness trainer (look at Brigham Young), nor that you will never know illness, but you are promised that you'll have peace. Don't waste time being ungrateful for your body right now, in the condition it is in. You should be grateful... we should ALL be grateful. It is wonderful to have a body.

Our new couch

Our friends gave us this couch just before Amy was born, because they were getting a new one. It has been very comfortable, but was very worn. This top picture doesn't show so well, but the stuffing was coming out of the cushions, and when we moved this last time, it got some black smudges on it. We usually had a throw blanket over it to make it look a little more presentable.

Amy started taking an interest in pulling on the stuffing, so I figured something more permanent needed to be done. Ryan bought me material at one of Joann's 50% off sales, and we 'winged it' on making a couch cover. With the help of my friend Justine, and just kind of figuring it out as I went, here is the final product: Voila -- a new comfy couch, for 30$. :)
I used the throw to cover the pillows, which were also a bit stained, and did it in such a way that if I want to wash them, I can just undo the yarn, and redo it afterward.

Videos of Amy

Check out how cute it is when Amy signs 'more'.

Amy has a real gut laugh now a days, which Ryan and I find hilarious! Ryan can get her to bust out laughing over the simplest things -- like making funny faces at her when he pushes her in the grocery cart. I absolutely love her laugh, and can never hear it enough. We feel so blessed to have such a fun little girl.

We let Amy try a lime today... this is her reaction.

Oma and Opa Visit

My parents came up to visit this week, and we had fun feeding the ducks. Amy loves her Oma and Opa. She gave them lots of hugs, kisses, and giggles.

She is a particular fan of my Dad -- and when they're here, she'll run to have him pick her up... and wants him to read her books and things, over both me and my Mom. Oh well. We're glad they're such buds. :)

Home Made Lotion, Shampoo, and Toothpaste

LOTION: (this has been tried and tested by us, and we love it. When we've used up all our other lotions, we're not going back... we like this better) The ratio is:
5 T. coconut oil
1.5 T. almond oil (olive, apricot, or avocado... you can find these at health food stores)
20 drops essential oil mix (Lavender + Lemon, Jasmine, just fiddle with it. I did 20 drops lavender the first time I made it, because I didn't have any other essential oil, and my Mom loved it, but Ryan thought it was TOO strong. So the second time I made it, I just did 10 drops lavender -- I still don't have any other essential oil yet)
In a double boiler, warm coconut oil till it melts... mix in almond oil and stir. Add other oils and mix well. Put in a glass jar with the date and fragrance. We keep ours in the fridge in a mason jar during the summer, because otherwise it melts... but it melts on contact with your skin. It works really well for massage oil, and I even sometimes rub it in the ends of my hair when I get out of the shower.



SHAMPOO:
1/4 part Pure Extra-mild Castile Soap
3/4 part water
Use almost the same amount of oil as soap. Oil (Olive, or Apricot is what I'm going to use, because I don't like the smell of olive oil)
A few drops essential oil (Lavender, Chamomile, Jasmine, etc)
When it mixes together it should be creamy, but thin... not like gel, like regular shampoos are. You can put it into a squeeze bottle. Shake it up before using it. You don't need too much of it. Allegedly, when you wash your hair with this, it doesn't strip your hair as much so conditioner is not as important as it normally would be.



TOOTHPASTE:
So, Ryan and I are about out of toothpaste, and I don't like buying it, unless it's on sale... And I got to wondering: can you make your own? And it turns out you can. I found several sites and of the different recipes, this one looks the best to me. I haven't tried it yet, but we will next week:
1/2 c. baking soda (some recipes recommend adding 1/3 part salt, but others say it's too salty -- the salt acts as a scrub, but I think when I make it, I'll only put in a smidgin)
3 tsp glycerine for every 1/4 c. dry mixture, so in this case 2 T. glycerine
1/4 c. hydrogen peroxide (3% potency, not the hair dye stuff) or water, if you're sensitive to it.
1 drop peppermint oil, or wintergreen extract
Mix, and store in a squeeze bottle away from light. Take a gander at this, and let me know what you think -- like I said, we'll be trying it next week. According to another site I read 'OraMedia, Dental Self Sufficiency', they said the act of brushing is more important than what type of toothpaste you use. Flossing, for all those who don't believe in it, is also very important. The one thing they say if you do make your own toothpaste, is to make sure your kids are getting the daily amount of flouride they need to protect their teeth.

Returning to Simpler Things

So, this last week, when Amy was sick I decided to go through an deep clean the apartment. I'd been using Lysol for all of her, um, floor accidents, and was reading the back of it and it said that I should wash my clothes if I got Lysol on them...
WASH THEM?... wash anything I sprayed with it?

Not very 'family' friendly. So, Ryan and I went and bought some family friendly disinfectant -- the stuff Julie had me use at her Day-Care (Neutricide, I think is what it's called, from Don Aslett?). It got me thinking about what I use to clean things... and has made me do some research and changes.

When we moved into this apartment, I already got rid of quite a few cleaning supplies -- they were under our sink, and Amy was starting to show interest, so I decided they needed a new home up high where she couldn't reach them. So many of them we'd inherited and I really never used them anyways.

I have discovered several things since de-junking my cleaning stuff, and doing more research:
As soon as this Lysol is used up, I won't buy more... I plan on being pregnant or nursing on and off for the next many years so it doesn't make sense to have cleaning supplies that are 'hazardous' to pregnant women or children.

Vinegar works great for a great many cleaning projects -- mixed 1/2 -1/2 with water, it does the same as Windex; sprayed in 100% concentration it disinfects countertops just as well as bleach. Poured into the toilet and allowed to sit, it takes care of all that gunk just as well as Comet. Plus, it makes our house smell like 'Salt and Vinegar Chips' which I crave when I'm pregnant, but can't eat. ;)

Baking Soda is great for scrubbing the tub, sink, and other areas... plus it polishes up the metal quite well. It also helps my fridge smell clean.

Elbow Grease is pretty strong stuff. :)

A Pumus (sp?) Stone takes off the hard water deposit around the drain very well.

I will let you know all the neat recipes I'm finding for taking care of things, once I've tested more of them out myself. For the moment though, Amy just woke up... which means my currently clean house is about to be joyously ransacked again. ;)

Motherhood, and Traits I Admire in Some other Mothers

I've learned some neat things since becoming a mother -- first, that God has given me a far greater capacity for patience, love, and joy,

second, that He's made my stomach stronger (I almost threw-up on my nephew when I changed his diapers when Jenny had Belle, but with Amy I've dealt with spit-up, throw-up, boogers, earwax, attempts at giving me her reject food, poop blow-outs and recently being handed a handful, literally... I'll not say more unless you ask me)

I never knew motherhood would form or rediscover so many muscles, stretch my capacity so much and make me laugh so hard...

Recently, Ryan taught Amy to fake laugh -- and LOUD. It has us in stitches when she does it. She's constantly doing new things which just make me shake my head and giggle. I found Amy sitting in the toy bin... as you can see, it's not very big... but if that wasn't enough she was trying to stuff in all the toys she could reach. What a nut! How I love her!!

I am so grateful God has blessed me to experience motherhood in this life, and I'm also very grateful that all women who come unto Him will have that experience, whether in this life or the next. Children really are an heritage of the Lord, and Ryan and I do hope to have a 'quiver full of them'. Amy has been a delight and joy!!

I have had wonderful examples of Motherhood in my life, and I want to point out some qualities of just a few which have been very influential and inspiring to me:

my own Mom -- for being an example of charity to others. I often went with her taking home-made bread to people around our neighborhood -- she knows how to listen and talk to people and make them feel appreciated, and for being so easy-going

my mother-in-law -- for loving and raising her own family in addition to caring for others with special needs, for stretching a buck farther than anyone I know, for knowing how to do so many things (being my guru for house-keeping questions) for raising such a wonderful son. :)

Constance -- for teaching her child and many other 'adopted' children like me to believe in themselves and making them feel loved and cherished, for being one of the very best hostesses and arbitrators I've ever known

my Aunt Jan -- for being so faithful and uncomplaining, no matter what life throws. Her positive attitude, and example has blessed my life often.

my Grandmothers and Ryan's Grandmothers -- for loving their children more than themselves, sacrificing so much for them. And to Maxine: for raising 13 children with testimonies of the restored gospel and Jesus Christ; and for remembering the names of so many grand- and great-grand children.

I hope I can become a mother like many of these amazing women who have influenced and inspired me. Thank you for all you've done and do!!

Watching 'Twins'

We watched Amy's cousin Jack for a few days this week (with great help from our wonderful downstairs neighbor friends the Johnsons who let Jack nap and sleep there even though it was finals week -- what great folks!) so Ryan's sister and brother-in-law could take a much deserved vacation to NY.

For the most part they played well together, toddled around at the park well together, fed the ducks well together, drew with chalk well together, ate well together,

Shared Ryan well together (it's not as hard to share me -- though Amy loves me, she doesn't often snuggle, so Jack could get in all the hugs he wanted for the most part),

and share toys much of the time.
It helped when we could get them interested in different toys. It's good that Amy loves books, and Jack was obsessed with the balls, tape-measurers and other 'manly' toys. :)
Jack is a very snuggly guy, and loves being cuddled. He also is very much a boy in that I think he has an empty leg -- he out-ate Amy by a bit, which is impressive.

Ode to my Best Friend

It's hard to believe how fast time flies...
3 years together, 1 precious baby and 1 on the way,
I've watched you excel as a husband, provider and father...
I'm now to the point where I can hardly imagine
what it was like before you were in my life.

Thank you for taking the time to listen,
to hug, to pray with us, and play with Amy.
She and I adore you -- we're two of your biggest fans.
Even with all you have on your plate,
you help out with mine...

I know you get tired, and worn down by work,
study, and everything you have to do,
but I'm grateful when you walk through the door
there's a smile on your face...
You make us feel so loved, so special, and so important.

You are such a wonderful gift in my life,
and I'm grateful I get to spend eternity laughing with you.
Thank you for being a "wooley-baa-lamb" and "prince among men".
You make it so easy to admire and love you.
...

Now for those who just check the blog for Amy, this movie needs a lil' explanation. She normally grunts when she's trying to poop, but the other day this is how loud she was being. I think she thought it was a joke.