Weight

This is kind of a strange thing to be writing about, but I want to share some thoughts I've had over the years, and recently.

I admit... I sometimes like to watch 'Biggest Loser' recaps. Although I don't really agree with the durastic workout measures taken to lose the weight, I can relate to a lot of the feelings of the contestants. I have also in the past felt like a failure with regard to my weight and my view of my physical body.

Here are some thoughts I've had recently, and can only hope they are helpful to someone else:
I think that one of Satan's greatest tactics is to get us to hate our bodies, or feel hopeless about them... to feel like failures and that we cannot do something. For years I felt this way about my own body -- pretty much when I hit puberty, I was "over-weight". My father tried to help me change, but each time I didn't stick with a work-out routine or diet, I felt like more of a failure and a disappointment than before. I developed a complex about food -- I feared it, and obsessed about it simultaneously. (I did not struggle with anorexia, or bulimia or anything, but I pretty much beat myself up mentally every day for not sticking with diets or for eating too much). I had begun to relate my inability to transform my body into a 'skinny minny' as somehow being a sin on my part -- that I didn't have enough faith to change, or that each time a ate something above the calorie intake for the day that somehow I was a sinner. My self-esteem was very low during this time of life.

These self-doubting, ungrateful, negative feelings do not come from a loving Heavenly Father.

After living with a widow friend who tremendously helped my self-esteem, I returned to college and was able to have more fun and overcome some of my complex and fear about food. I decided I wanted to serve a mission. When I first received my call to serve in Germany, and was told of the tendency for missionaries to gain weight I was so worried, and cried myself to sleep. When there, I did gain weight... about 30lbs in my first area, putting my 5'1.5" to 181 lbs. I experienced a shocking thing... if being overweight was somehow a sin, like I'd thought before, shouldn't I be reprimanded the most powerfully while on my mission? But I wasn't. I did not feel like I was a disappointment to my Heavenly Father, or hopeless... I felt loved.

I realized for myself that my body didn't like being that way because I felt sluggish, and sweaty. I also realized that I hated being stuffed to the gills -- the eating appointments on my mission always had so much food, and when I came home I usually ate more because I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat (which in Germany usually meant chocolate, or marzipan brot). In the mission field, I lost 20 lbs of what I gained (thanks to a companion with IBS and biking cities) and came home just a little heavier than I'd normally been.

I was blessed by Heavenly Father with, what I term to be, a miracle. I married Ryan, and my body lost weight... it makes me laugh sometimes, because I'd tried Weight-Watchers before, but didn't stick with it long enough to see success. God put me on the real Weight-Watchers plan -- I watched Ryan every day, grew in love for him, and several months after we were married, without necessarily changing anything, my body dropped 15 lbs. After having Amy, and watching more 'Weight', my body lost more weight, putting me after many years back within a 'normal' BMI. Then, getting pregnant with yet another 'Weight', my body lost even more (due to nausea). I'm now almost 18 weeks pregnant, and finally have regained the extra weight lost during the beginning of this pregnancy, putting me in at 130 lbs. I cannot take any credit for having changed myself, because I didn't -- sure, I eat somewhat differently than I used to, but it's more that God took away the struggle for me. It's not that I couldn't struggle with my feelings about my weight again, but I am confident that as long as I remember that God loves me, and His plan of happiness for all of us, weight will no longer rob me of my hope or happiness.

From watching the Biggest Loser, I've had these thoughts:
1. It's important that we have God help us with any change we seek... because He also heals and changes the inside. Also, I think it's important to put it in His hands. If it's not important to Him that we be 110 lbs and look like a model, that shouldn't be important to us either. It is important to Him that we keep our bodies (which are gifts) as healthy as we can and appreciate them, and if we're struggling in that area, then He can help us.

2. We have the ability to choose so much. We can make an impact on our circumstance and our outlook on life. God loves us, regardless of the choices we make, but we will feel more of that love the closer we come to Him and the more we limit the falsehoods we listen to from Satan.

3. Our bodies are such a wonderful GIFT. We should ALWAYS remember that... God wants us to be grateful for the bodies He has given us -- they are SUCH a blessing, regardless of what condition they're in. God gives us peace and if we have weaknesses, He will take us by the hand and help us with them. His Son knows every possible temptation we face, and has overcome all. He can empower us to change... and also, there is grace. Satan hates the fact that we have bodies and wants us to focus on the negative, and forget this great blessing God has given us. He belittles them in every way he can, and if you listen too much to the media and trying to be the cookie-cutter image of what people should look like, you'll waste valuable earth time centering on the wrong things.

If you don't feel beautiful, talk to your Heavenly Father -- and if you listen to Him, you will know how valued and loved you are. If you follow His commandments, you will be blessed. Following the Word of Wisdom does not necessarily mean you'll look like a fitness trainer (look at Brigham Young), nor that you will never know illness, but you are promised that you'll have peace. Don't waste time being ungrateful for your body right now, in the condition it is in. You should be grateful... we should ALL be grateful. It is wonderful to have a body.