Reorganizing the House

Why is it that when you start to clean, things reach a chaos level before it finds the new equilibrium? After visiting my friend Jessica I was inspired by how organized her house looked -- and how it seemed semi child friendly (meaning there weren't a hundred things that shouldn't be touched by children within reach). So, I came home and started changing things around. My friend Corinna was also helpful, coming to visit with her boys so I could see what was the first target.

I did not take before pictures, but let's just say that I used to have all my history books in this bookshelf on the floor... now it has cubbies for toys and child friendly objects. I moved the Christmas tree, which I should've put away before my nephew Andrew came to visit, but I was silly back then and thought that a simple "Don't touch" would keep him away (which it usually did, which just shows that he must be lots more obedient than I thought facing a constant temptation).

I also organized the Computer desk and moved some shelves upstairs. My friend Angeline also helped out by holding Amy while she was a bit clingy so I could make a bit more progress on things so it didn't look TOTALLY horrific. Once it's COMPLETELY cleaned up, I will post some pics to show you.

Naps and Messing with a Good Thing

Well...Amy must've been somewhat sleep deprived, because after three days of struggle trying to get her to nap during the day, she slept almost ALL of saturday except for feedings. Odd.

But, sometimes now I wonder if I messed with a good thing. Yesterday, she'd sleep for an hour, get up, eat, play for an hour and sleep for an hour. She did that most of the day, till Ryan came home and then she was SUPER cranky. Don't know why. Since she was changed and fed etc, we let her have some exercise, but it's hard for me sometimes not to feel that I ruined my perfect baby. Not that she's not precious now, but I admit, I miss her being happy and awake all day until evening and sleeping all through the night. She doesn't now. She gets up at 3:am usually, but sometimes as early as 2:am.

So, I thought, maybe I can go back -- maybe if I just read her signs of being tired and only put her down then, she won't be tired until evening. Nope. I switch between thinking it's my fault for trying to change her, and then thinking it's the book's fault. Well, I'm done pointing fingers... I figure I'm into it enough now, I guess I'll just have to see it through until she decides to have a routine and be happy for most of the time again.



There are highlights amid the fussiness and crying, there really are. For example, yesterday she was content to be in the swing and blow bubbles. She also smiles at he sun in the playpen thing that makes music...that's cute.

Having fun in a swing

Amy is having lots of fun in the swing and play ground that the Madsen family has lent to us. She is getting bigger and bigger everyday. Amy is still a little small to use the swing our friends the Hammonds lent to us.

How Do I get Amy to Nap?

Amy is a very happy baby... 99.99999999999 % of the time. Yet, recently, she's begun to be fussy in the evenings. I figured babys just do that and you can't have a perfect baby forever, but my sister thinks she's tired.

Let me tell you a bit about Amy -- very kindly, at about 3 weeks old, she started deciding to sleep for the most part through the night. She would wake up sometimes at 3 or 4, but usually would manage to go for 7-9 hours without feeding. She'll fall asleep on her own without much fuss...we just wrap her up like a burrito, put her in the bassinette and go to bed ourselves.

But, during the day, she cat naps...20 minutes here, 10 minutes there... sometimes, if I go for a walk and have her in the Baby Bjorn, she'll fall asleep. Monday I was up on campus talking to some of my old professors for almost 2 hours and she slept almost the entire time.

This is the problem I run into. I guess I don't see any "nap" signs. Or when I do, she seems to prove to me that she doesn't actually want to be put down in the bassinette. Case in point: she'll rub her eye...I wrap her and place her down with her binki. She fusses. Kicks her blankets and arms out. Coos and kicks. Spits her binki out about 30 times and fusses. So, I pick her up. It's not as if I'm standing over the bassinette while all this is happening. I only peek in on her when she really is more fussy and I notice her binki's out. How come at night she doesn't spit out her binki?

Jenny suggested I put her to sleep earlier at night and see if that helped her get more sleep and be less fussy in the evenings. So, last night I put her to bed at 8:30 (she usually goes down at 9:30 or 10:30). She was up at 3:30, waited a little longer when I put her binki in, but at 4:am definitely wanted to eat. I'm not complaining...she did go for a long stretch, but it wasn't as cool as having her sleep from 10:pm-6:30am like she usually does.

So here's my question to all you mothers out there: How do I get her to nap, without throwing off a REALLY good thing (namely having her sleep SOOOO well at night)?? Ideas?

Fun Pics

Amy is growing growing growing. Thankfully I have a camera. I was able to catch her smiling, and making another really funny face. If you are stressed, just look at this face: it makes me laugh every time.

Nightmares and Hidden Blessings

Note, it's 4 am. For most of you who don't know, I struggle with having nightmares. I don't know why, but my mind seems to sabotage me with visions of the cruelest aspects of humanity. I don't know if this is because for a while as a history major I studied genocides because I was trying to grasp HOW humans could do such awful things to each other. Yet, I had nightmares always as a kid too -- the awful part is how vivid they are. I still remember ones I had in 5th grade eons ago.

Every night before I go to bed, I pray that I'll have peaceful dreams and no nightmares, but sometimes I have them anyways. Does God love me? Of course. Why do I still have to have nightmares? I don't know. I usually snuggle up to Ryan and try to think hard while I'm falling back asleep about how we got engaged, married, sweet moments in my life with him... but sometimes one will be so vivid that I can't sleep afterwards... or in some sense I'm afraid to fall asleep again. Such is my lot right now.

I was feeling kind of sorry for myself and bothered by the fact that I seem to be robbed of my sleep (seeing as how if I'm awake, I feel I have control over my thoughts. I can sing a hymn, or look at Amy, or be distracted by the business of my day -- in my sleep I feel I have no control... or more the fact that I wake up having already had a nightmare...I never am offered the chance to change the fiends into teddy bears). Anyhow, I was feeling a little bummed... but checking the blog I was able to read a post by my cousin who is struggling with a major physical trial at present and perhaps indefinitely.

As I commented on her post, I was reminded of how much hope and happiness the gospel gives to me. These happier thoughts have almost blocked out the dream I'd had...so now I feel much more able to go back to bed and snuggle up to my soundly sleeping husband. We are supremely blessed by a Father in Heaven who loved us enough to sacrifice His Son as a ransom for us. I appreciate the difficulty a minute amount more now as a parent. I am grateful God was willing to allow His Only Begotten Son to be so sacrificed. I am grateful for the hope I have in the important things: the resurrection, eternal families, love and goodness. I'm grateful that one day Satan will be bound. And I look forward to a time when I no longer dream the dregs of humanity, but see all around me people loving and serving others. I know that there are hidden blessings everywhere -- I hope I can open my eyes to more of them.

Trying to Capture a Smile

I am having the hardest time capturing a smile on camera -- this is the best I could do. Amy coos a lot and smiles a lot, but it's hard to catch unless we could make a movie of it. She has really blue eyes, doesn't she?

Meeting the Relatives

Amy is taking after both Ryan and I in one respect: I think she's trying to figure out how to suck her middle fingers. Ryan and I both (uncanny, isn't it?) sucked our middle fingers, so it looked as if we were going around signing 'I love you' to everyone. Ryan and I also liked the feel of silky things as tikes...we'll see if she does too. We're trying to get her to rest her head on the right. I always put her with her head facing up when I put her to sleep, but she favors looking to the left so much that her head is getting a little mis-shaped. She's very stubborn about it. I try putting a rolled up blanket under her shoulder so she'll roll to the right a bit, or put something up against her cheek so she can't turn left, but I'll come back in to check on her and she's looking left. She'll wiggle off her blanket or essentially smother her face. So I'm resigned to changing her head after she's fallen asleep. She's sure fun. On another note:

My Grandpa Olsen grew up in Logan and his brothers and a sister still live here. We used to go to these huge Olsen Family Reunions here where we'd all have to wear name tags. I don't know many of my relatives on that side of the family...but the benefit of strong genes is that every one of my Grandpa's siblings looks like him. So, when I spotted Rulon Olsen at the Temple, I didn't even have to check his name tag to know that he was my Grandpa's brother.

Last night Ryan and I drove over to Rulon's place to hear some stories about my Grandpa, see Pelican pond which my Grandpa used to ice-skate on in the winter and see the old beet farm my Great Grandpa raised his family on. Rulon prefers to be called "Uncle Mike" and is quite spry. His wife Vera lamented that he'd climbed the pine tree in their yard to top it off, yet he warns her of the danger for her if she climbs on top of a chair for something in the house. His comment: "Well, I'm agile. But she's not." I hadn't noticed the size of the pine tree when we first got there, so when we went outside I was stunned! It apparently was getting a double head, and Uncle Mike wanted to cut one off. The pine tree was HUGE and he's 86 years old!!!

Apparently all the Olsens except for my Grandpa settled near the farm. Every house he seemed to point out belonged to a relative I'd never heard of. He showed us the old farm, and with the setting sun, the new growing hay was a vibrant green. Ryan's interested in fishing pelican pond which has some beautiful birds too.

I must look more like my mother than I realize because when we went to meet Jim, another one of my Grandpa's brothers, Jim's wife said: "You must be Jill's" And Mike said I was her youngest. "Saw that the moment you walked in -- just like Jill." It was a really nice visit and nice to get to know some of my relatives a little more. Uncle Mike and Jim told me we better come visit again soon. I think we will.

Nature Pics

I love being outdoors and I love spring. There's something about spring which makes me feel like I can be a new person...I think it's tied to my mission. My mission really challenged me at the beginning and I experienced a lot of growth -- it was good for me. So now spring is forever connected with the idea that somehow I can become a better person. Here are some pictures from fishing.

She's Gettin' Bigger

We had our 2 month visit with the Doctor. This baby takes after her Daddy -- she's in the 96th percentile for height. She's 24 inches long. She is only in the 70th percentile for weight though. She is lots of fun to look at especially now that she smiles more.

Gone Fishin'

Ryan's birthday was great. And we went fishing with the Munchkimina. Here are the pics.

Squishable Cheeks

Amy has the most squishable cheeks -- I love 'em! She is pretty smiley...but is going through a bit of a fussy period too. But sooo cute!

Easter

I had a lot of scattered thoughts during church which I'd like to share. Many of these thoughts have come from others -- from Apostolic testimonies during General Conference -- which have weaved in and out of my brain today.

We were talking about how belief in Christ's atonement and resurrection helps us tackle the issues of every day life: temptation, pain, sorrow, loss of loved ones, loneliness, etc. I think the reason why is because we know that someone, Christ, knows exactly what we face and that gives us strength and comfort. In Elder Jeffery R. Holland's talk this past week, he spoke on how because Christ overcame all the powers of darkness and resurrected we need not ever feel alone. That is a beautiful understanding to me -- sometimes we do feel lonely, as if no one could ever understand what we are suffering, but we need to always remember that Christ does. That knowledge alone offers some relief in my mind. It's hard to suffer, but it is nice to know you're not alone on top of that.

One of my absolute favorite talks on the resurrection is from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, called "Sunday Will Come". He talks about how the Friday when Christ was crucified must've been the darkest Friday that has ever been -- the Son of God lay nailed to the cross and the apostles then must've thought their hearts would literally break. But then Sunday came. Because Christ burst the bands of death, and conquered the powers of hell, we too can have hope in our own lives. Hope that there is life beyond the grave. Hope in eternal families. Hope in any blessing we desire in this life, but for whatever reason we're asked to suffer through without it.

Patience and hope are only possible because of the atoning sacrifice and RESURRECTION of Christ. If the resurrection had not happened, our faith would, as Paul says, be vain. But Christ did rise! Because He lives, we all will live again. Because He lives, we can trust that He will see us through whatever struggles we are asked to wade through. Because He lives, we can hope in the life to come and know that whatever blessings we had to wait upon in this life can be ours in the next.

My heart particularly goes out to couples who desire to conceive, but are unable to do so. Though I did not have to wait long in the scheme of things, I struggled with doubt after my miscarriages that I would actually have a viable pregnancy. Another talk in General Conference particularly helped me from Elder Condie: He shared the story of Rachel wanting to conceive and being given the trial to wait and wait and wait. And then "God remembered Rachel". At the end of his talk, Elder Condie says: "Just as God remembered Rachel, God will remember you." That touched me. I did not know at the time that I would have a baby within the year. I did take comfort though, that God does keep His promises, and because of Christ's atonement and resurrection, those blessings can be ours beyond this life.

I pray that I can always remember the hope that Christ's resurrection made possible -- not for this life only. I hope with that knowledge I can face whatever trials or lessons I need to, so that I can one day return to live with my Heavenly Father, and Savior again...not alone, but with my eternal family.

Our Yard

Ryan's been working hard to till our garden and get us ready for planting. I'm so excited -- my sister or Mom can tell you, I'm not the best with plants, but I'm excited to learn. (Speaking of which, Mom: Ryan bought me a lilly and rose plant when I had surgery, what type of light/space/watering to they need? Should I just repot them, or put them outside?) I used to keep a cactus plant in my bedroom because even after it'd died, it still looked the same...it just never bloomed again. But my Mom and sis are plant gurus.

Anyhow...enough about that (maybe posting after midnight is not wise...I feel like my mind is foggy) I am really looking forward to planting a little garden. Oddly, I was thrilled to go out and weed a little bit with Ryan. I'm going to post some before and after pictures once we're further along, but for now, I'll just post our little munchkimina chillin' in her stroller while we worked out in the yard.

More Blessings

Ryan and I awoke to our Carbon Monoxide monitor beeping. Pretty disorienting. I am so grateful for modern technology though which serves to protect us. We figured out that the pilot light on our upstairs furnace was still on, though Ryan had turned the furnace off. Ryan figured out how to put it out and unplugged the detector because it was still going. We cracked the windows as a precautionary measure and Ryan prayed for us...but since I was paranoid that I had a bit of a headache, here I am posting this at 1:15 am next to an open window in the kitchen.

Count our many blessings...

So, I had my gallbladder out monday, which has been a learning experience teaching me that there are SO many things to be grateful for which I sometimes take for granted. So here's a little list of things I'm glad for since monday:

1. I'm glad they successfully took it out and I woke up from anesthesia. Think of all the people that may have had complications for them to learn they COULD take out people's gallbladders. I don't even want to think of the infections people may have suffered from back then. And that they have anesthesia...I can't imagine being even slightly awake for that surgery.

2. Amy took a bottle well and I was able to get back to breastfeeding pretty quick.

3. I live in a time where laproscopic surgery is possible -- my Aunt Jan looked like she'd been sliced with a sword...I just look like I was poked with a pitch fork.

4. My belly button and side NORMALLY doesn't hurt. Especially the belly button -- who knew how attached that was to other movement and I take it for granted that it normally feels hunky-dory.

5. My husband is worthy of his priesthood and can give me blessings -- and miracles do happen.

6. I had my wonderful mother-in-law and aunt Jans to help me during recovery.

7. Great friends brought us meals. Thank you.

8. Once my stomach adjusts to all this, I'll be able to eat luxury items like CHEESE again. :) There really is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to be grateful for. I'm in hindsight glad for this experience for the things it has brought to my attention which I take for granted. We are so blessed.

Christina's gall bladder has gone its way. She had the surgery today, and everything has been great. She was able to come home with Amy's super great help. She really calmed Christina down.

Thanks to my Mom, for going through the surgery with her, since I couldn't be there for it.

Chillin' in a Pappus

I'm sure the spelling is wrong. This little pappus was given to my Dad by an appreciative patient...sadly we were already born and too big for it. Amy will soon be too big for it.

Patience

Apparently there is something about patience that I need to learn that I haven't yet. And sometimes, when it rains a bit, it pours a bit. The past few weeks have worked a number on my body and it has given me a greater appreciation for the health and vigor I regularly enjoy. Monday I will have surgery to have my gallbladder out. I've been somewhat nervous, since I've never been put under general anethesia. Some irrational fear that I won't wake up...but underlying it all, I do have a peaceful feeling that it will be all right. It's nice to know that Ryan can give me a blessing. I am grateful to that I have loving family and friends who can help.

Our Cute Munchkimina

Amy's Blessing

Amy Elizabeth was blessed Sunday by her Daddy. It was really a sweet experience.

She wore a dress made by her Grandma Jan Weight. It was made out of my first Temple dress.

It was great to have everyone over to visit.