Nightmares and Hidden Blessings

Note, it's 4 am. For most of you who don't know, I struggle with having nightmares. I don't know why, but my mind seems to sabotage me with visions of the cruelest aspects of humanity. I don't know if this is because for a while as a history major I studied genocides because I was trying to grasp HOW humans could do such awful things to each other. Yet, I had nightmares always as a kid too -- the awful part is how vivid they are. I still remember ones I had in 5th grade eons ago.

Every night before I go to bed, I pray that I'll have peaceful dreams and no nightmares, but sometimes I have them anyways. Does God love me? Of course. Why do I still have to have nightmares? I don't know. I usually snuggle up to Ryan and try to think hard while I'm falling back asleep about how we got engaged, married, sweet moments in my life with him... but sometimes one will be so vivid that I can't sleep afterwards... or in some sense I'm afraid to fall asleep again. Such is my lot right now.

I was feeling kind of sorry for myself and bothered by the fact that I seem to be robbed of my sleep (seeing as how if I'm awake, I feel I have control over my thoughts. I can sing a hymn, or look at Amy, or be distracted by the business of my day -- in my sleep I feel I have no control... or more the fact that I wake up having already had a nightmare...I never am offered the chance to change the fiends into teddy bears). Anyhow, I was feeling a little bummed... but checking the blog I was able to read a post by my cousin who is struggling with a major physical trial at present and perhaps indefinitely.

As I commented on her post, I was reminded of how much hope and happiness the gospel gives to me. These happier thoughts have almost blocked out the dream I'd had...so now I feel much more able to go back to bed and snuggle up to my soundly sleeping husband. We are supremely blessed by a Father in Heaven who loved us enough to sacrifice His Son as a ransom for us. I appreciate the difficulty a minute amount more now as a parent. I am grateful God was willing to allow His Only Begotten Son to be so sacrificed. I am grateful for the hope I have in the important things: the resurrection, eternal families, love and goodness. I'm grateful that one day Satan will be bound. And I look forward to a time when I no longer dream the dregs of humanity, but see all around me people loving and serving others. I know that there are hidden blessings everywhere -- I hope I can open my eyes to more of them.